Friday, February 18, 2011

Off Kilter

There is a pot of boiling water on the stove. There are piles of clean laundry. The house is pretty clean. I have worked out today. I have accomplished NOTHING on last week's Anti-procrastination list~nothing! I think of a blessing. Then I think of something to bring me down. Like: the sun is out~blindingly so, but there are small piles of dirty snow. It is warm, but it is not hot. This is how my week is going. Up. Down. Off kilter. This is how I am when I receive bad news. Let me repeat: bad news. I get really weird until my brain can accept the bad news. In limbo...trying to accept the news that my Mom was just diagnosed with cancer. Again. But a completely different type. Trying to look at the bright spots: she is symptom free, she feels strong and she is ready to fight this. Trying to wrap my head around how I can help, when I live so far away. Very hard. I have only cried a little. Maybe I need a good cry. Actually, I don't know if that would help or not? I cannot decide. So I am going to carry on and hope that once my head accepts this message, that I may cry or not, and hopefully come to a different place, because limbo is not working for me.


Birds outside my bathroom window. A sign that spring may eventually come !

Homemade hearts for my 3 sweeties with a message and a coupon for something they like: movie, dinner out, & dessert. I was able to find the perfect store bought one for my sweet hubby. It had a bike and kites. 

hugs,

12 comments:

  1. Hang in there Cathy...your blogging buddies are here for you! That is hard news to get your head around! I'm praying for you and your Mom! I'm sorry you are so far from her, maybe you will be able to see her soon!

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  2. Oh, Cathy! I am so, so sorry to hear this. You know my story. I have been in your shoes. With both of my parents. It is so hard. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it. You will find your way through this. I found blogging about it actually helped.

    BIG TIGHT HUGS! I'm here for you.

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  3. Hey there...just sent you an email. Don't know if you're going to recognize the email address. But it's from me.

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  4. OOOH no. I am so sorry. I had to reread because I was in shock. Oh, hugs, Kathy. Prayers for you and your mom. 2nd time of cancer? Different cancer?

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  5. Oh Cathy, I am so sorry. I am not sure there is a "right" way to take all this in, just do what you feel at that moment and hopefully you will find yourself in a place other than limbo. She sounds like a strong woman and ready to fight, which is good. I am thinking and praying for your mom, you and your family.
    Hugs to you!

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  6. Cathy, I am so sorry to hear this about your mother. She sounds like a very strong lady........and I bet you are, too. Take lots of quiet moments for yourself. I have an idea. you should start writing down all your wonderful thoughts about your mother. Put them on little strips and place in a cute little container. Then give the container to her so she can have them to read when needing some encouragement. Prayers are being sent up for all of you!

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  7. Hi! So sorry to hear what you are dealing with. Hang in there. My Mom just hit her 5 year cancer free mark! You never know what you and your Mom will learn about yourselves through this! You are both strong!
    Praying for you both!
    Hugs to you!

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  8. The patterns of your lovely hearts are very happy, Cathy, love it!

    Have a sweet Sunday xxx

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  9. Oh man, I am so sorry to hear this. I never know what to say. My Mom had cancer a few years back and beat it. That fact that your Mom is ready to fight this makes it all a little bit better. I just love your friend Lorri's idea. I'll be praying for you and your Mom Cathy!

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  10. Hi Cathy - I'm just seeing this now - and I'm so so sorry to hear it :-( Cancer is a long and stressful road, my family has faced it with both happy and sad outcomes ... take it slowly, take deep breaths, and when you feel like you can't, try to fInd your strength in that wonderful family of yours, they're all right there with you and they will hold you up when you hit the low points ... i'm sending strength your way ...

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  11. Cathy, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I look at mine all the time and wonder what I will ever do without her. It's an unreal feeling. You are in my thoughts.

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  12. Cathy~ so sorry to hear about your mom. I know all too well about being far away. You will still be able to be there for her. Praying for you both.

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